Anxiety was not something I had ever suffered from.
Suddenly I was not ok. I could feel my heart beating, fast. I was suddenly hot, I felt sick and I wanted to run away and cry. I felt tears prickling my eyes…don’t ruin my makeup!
This was my daughter’s wedding day and a few moments earlier the whole bridal party had been laughing and chatting. We’d had a lovely morning getting pampered – and as the mother of the bride I couldn’t be happier.
The event organiser announced that I should go and take my seat and it was at that moment that my brain stopped working. I couldn’t move my feet in that direction and I managed to mumble, “Wish her good luck for me.” to the lovely event organiser – who just gave me a knowing smile – and I bolted for the door before anyone could see me.
In times of heightened anxiety logic does not play a part. I could have found my husband, or my mum, who were both in the room and got support. Instead I just ran as my body and nervous system were running the show.
Thankfully, I mentor people with anxiety and I have A levels Anatomy and Physiology!
As I was bolting down the corridor at full pace – in heels – I managed to realise what was going on and started to talk myself down a little.
You are having a panic attack
Adrenaline is in full flow – keep walking
In a minute, you will be able to think and breathe, for now just keep walking
I headed to the beautiful roof terrace where there was a little bar outside of the ceremony room. I must have looked dreadful as the lovely bar manager just looked at me and said, “What do you need?”
I went to speak and I couldn’t. I just gestured that I was going outside and again stomped around the corridors…conscious that the bride would be appearing soon!
Deep breaths: in for 3 out for 4, in for 4 out for 5, in for 5 out for 6….
Then I was able to walk back to the bar and ask for a glass of water. A few minutes later I was in my seat, managing a convincing smile as I passed family and friends. Once in my seat I kept my focus on my breathing, while looking around me at the beautiful flowers and the sunny sky outside. I felt the silkiness of my pashmina and felt the seat beneath me. I listened to the music playing and the hum of the excited guests. I repeated: I am safe. I am well, I trust myself.
What I learned about anxiety
Anxiety can be as interrupting as a full panic attack.
It can be a slowly rising feeling of unease that quietly bubbles away in the background.
It can be a series of migraines, or tummy issues.
It can be a change in your behaviour that you don’t understand.
It takes many forms.
If you notice it, you can change it.
Check in with yourself, has your behaviour changed? Do you worry about more, or is your inner dialogue reminding you of what you need to remember, what you haven’t done or what could be wrong? If you are usually relaxed and now your shoulders are by your ears and you are clenching your jaw, what has changed?
Anxiety can be checking and double checking your diary, checking repeatedly that you have turned appliances off/locked the door/got your phone.
If you notice it, you can change it.
Start by telling yourself that you are human, give yourself a little hug and find a few minutes to hatch a plan.
Create a bit of space in your schedule – add in an extra few minutes in between meetings, or reduce your meetings for a week or so.
Diarise some time to catch up with friends, go for a walk or book a massage.
Think of the person you can tell, who won’t try to fix your problem immediately, rather listen as you get clear on what’s going on and offer guidance only if asked. This could be a friend, or a colleague at work. It could be a manager, or a mentor or therapist. Pick someone who you will feel comfortable with.
Importantly, prioritise self care.
Drink an extra glass of water when you get up and go to bed. Make sure you are going to bed at a reasonable hour and try to unwind and stay away from tech for an hour or so before bed. Restrict your viewing to programmes that are fun and easy to watch, no late night thrillers!
For more sleep tips, read our blog here.
Add gratitude to your day. Notice a beautiful sky, or a good tune, or someone who makes you smile. Thank your body for looking out for you, be thankful for a good meal or a good night’s sleep.
And remember to breathe…
Anxiety can slip away just as quickly as it arrived, or it can be something that is with you every day. Whenever it appears, treat it as a friend, someone that cares for you and is trying to keep you safe. That friend may not always do the right thing, or be helpful, but they have good intentions.
If one day you spot someone looking like they are in panic mode, ask them what they need. If they don’t respond, try saying, “Come on, let’s go for a walk.” Or get them a glass of water and sit close by. Our needs will differ as will our actions, but having someone on hand can make all the difference.
If you found this blog useful, you may also want to take a look at Five ways to help with Christmas anxiety
and our podcast with Nick Elston on anxiety
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