Many of us already support family and team members and sometimes it is hard to know what to do for the best. Since the start of the pandemic much of life has been turned on its head with the stresses, anxieties and concerns that large scale change will bring. A major study carried out in 2020 by University of Nottingham found that the mental health impact of the pandemic in the early stages of lockdown saw 57% of those who took part reporting symptoms of anxiety, with 64% recording common signs of depression*.
Whether those around you in your family or team are showing signs of stress, or are facing a mental health challenge it is only natural to want to support them. The question is how to approach that support in an effective way.
Here are 5 tips to help you to help those around you
1. Listen to their concerns with an open mind.
Most people listen to respond, but it can be more helpful to listen to understand. Leave judgement at the door and just listen to what they have to say. Understand that how they feel is how they feel, whether you feel it is justified or proportionate. Their perception is their reality.
Try not to diagnose issues or find immediate solutions for them. As tempting as it is to offer outright advice, that can feel like pressure on the recipient.
2. Share your experience
Whilst it’s important to remember this is not about you, it is about them, sharing your journey may help. If you have a team member and you suspect that they are anxious or depressed, sharing your lived experience in a team meeting will make it OK for them not to be OK and they are more likely to open up to you for support. Showing your vulnerability can demonstrate that there is a way through this, so be outcomes focused and accept that your way through and theirs may be different, but you are willing to support them all of the way.
3. Show trust, respect and patience
Compassion is the capacity not only to share the feelings of others but to feel compelled to alleviate their suffering. Have patience with their process and ask open questions to encourage dialogue. Questions such as “How are you? How are you really?” may give rise to a genuine response.
Increase your empathy by making fewer judgements and asking more questions. If they are open to finding a solution, help them to find the right solution for them by looking at options with them and asking what feels right. If you are asked to help them, then the question:
“What would you like to have happen?”
is an unbiased way to establish their outcome and the next step that fits for them.
Another useful way to clarify what they want is to ask “What kind of…?” For example if they say, I need some help – what kind of help would be useful? You may be thinking an ambulance, they may be thinking a hug.
Finally, it can be helpful to repeat what they have said back to them to check you have a good understanding of their situation.
4. Finding solutions
Encourage them to speak to their GP and where appropriate sign post to other organisations. Help them to understand their options and research ideas, remembering this is not your outcome, it is theirs. The charity sector has help available, Hub of Hope is an access point for mental health charities:
Rethink also has excellent resources if facing a mental health challenge: www.rethink.org
Many employers offer benefits such as an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) or private medical insurance for counselling services, so this is worth exploring as well.
5. Normal life
People don’t like to be defined by their issues, so remember to do normal stuff too – don’t just talk about their challenge. Partner with them for activities such as walking, shopping or watching films. Create some normality within the bounds of their emotional position at the moment. If life has got on top of them and basic things aren’t happening like doing the dishes, turning on the washing machine or making a meal, offering to help by covering the basics or chat while they work can make a real difference.
Finally
Remember that you need to take care of yourself too. Check in with yourself – how are you feeling? Get in to nature where you can and have some time away from the issue. This will make you more able to help in the longer term.
Sources
*https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/sep/16/stress-anxiety-and-depression-levels-soar-under-uk-covid-19-restrictions
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