Beach ready body or beach ready mind – which comes first?
How is your body confidence? It’s the start of the Summer in the UK and as we look for our swimsuits and shorts we also see the usual adverts for products and regimes for making our body ‘beach ready’. From juicing diets to ‘no carbs before marbs’ many of us have our pre-holiday rituals aimed at looking our best on holiday. Since the pandemic maybe you have also put on weight and aren’t used to being seen. So, rather than hiding away, I have a different challenge for you – to create a ‘beach-ready mind’.
Body confidence
Many of you will be familiar with my stance on body confidence, and learning to live with a beautifully different body . Our bodies change as we age, with children, stress and illness leaving their mark. There is no shame in being older. There is no shame in change. Yet, the media images we see all attempt at moving the clock back. There is no issue with taking control of your body and deciding that you want to make changes, but sustainable change require a vision that you own and that is yours alone. Berating yourself or repeatedly telling yourself what you ‘should be doing’ can be overwhelming, particularly as some things we cannot change, or we cannot change before the Summer – so what are our options?
“Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.” Brene Brown
1. Understand the myth of comparison
The obsession with youth and vitality is in our DNA. It’s about finding a partner and the primal urge to continue our species. It’s a compelling argument for youth. But, the sustainability of our species needs more that creation of more babies. That’s where most of us step in. We all have a role to play and the more familiar you are with how you positively impact those around you the less important physical vitality becomes. This is easy for me to say but it may not immediately help you with your worries about your stretch marks! Revealing ourselves is a big thing, whether it’s physically or emotionally. It’s an act of vulnerability which can also play against in our biological instincts. We cannot survive without each other. So anything which risks exclusion or non-acceptance can feel scary. Often we exclude ourselves from groups or we seek acceptance or comfort in places where there is no challenge, which shrinks our world.
As an accountant I know that half the battle when evaluating how a business is performing is about comparison with other businesses in the sector or with how the business performed in the past. But much is discussed at board meetings about what we compare ourselves to. This is less of a conversation in our daily lives when we berate our 50 year old body for not looking 25.
I have a question for you:
Who else has lived your life and had your experiences?
We are all unique and comparison with others is as useful as comparing apples and monkeys.
2. Consider your outcome
We can paint ourselves out of history by avoiding being in photos as a reaction to how we feel about how we look. We can fight against ourselves or run away from life as we have failed to live up to an ideal of perfection. It’s all a stress response. What outcome do you want from your action? We react or respond to the things around us all of the time and sometimes the challenge is to curb our anger or find that we have ‘let rip’and regret it.
This same fight or flight stress response is common when talking about our bodies. Did you miss out on getting involved? Did you make the most of every day? Or did you hide? When you are older and look back on today, what would you really think about the outcome you chose today? Is it the outcome you would choose for your best friend?
Your benchmarks are yours alone. If you want to lose a stone – good for you – there is your benchmark. If you want to be happy every day then journal your mood and recognise what makes you happier – do more of that! Choose your outcome and then choose your action not the other way around.
3. Focus on a beach ready mindset
Body confidence is something we are all born with, but some of us lose it along the way and we tell ourselves lots of stories around how we will be happier when… Instead of this approach, how about – I’ll be happy now. Focus on what makes you smile.
After years of being a coach I have realised two things:
- Other people are not half as interested in your stuff as you think they are. Most of your lumps and bumps will go totally un-noticed by everyone apart from you. Of course, if you make a fuss about covering something people may get curious and ask about it and it’s always your choice how you respond.
- People who really matter don’t care what you look like, they just want you to be having fun with them.
What you think is terrible may not even feature on anyone else’s list and even if it does – then what happens? Their thoughts are their business. Your thoughts are your business.
4. Love yourself!
If you have a partner, they love you – not a picture of you. If you want a partner, they may be attracted to you by how you look, but also by how you sound and more often than not – how you make them feel. And it’s how you make them feel that makes a relationship last. How you feel about your body will influence how you approach the world. It’s within your gift to decide how you feel about everything in your life, including your body.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love you. Do it every day and eventually your mind will believe you. After all, the years of comparison and negative dialogue is why it believes something else. So reprogram it. Remember, the whole of you has been accepted by your partner / friends/ family etc and it is not influenced by your knees / stretch marks / double chin or anything else you dislike about yourself.
Still struggling? Give it time, but in the meantime consider which part of your body do you love the most. The you that sits within your body is what gives love and comfort to others, your crooked teeth don’t come into it! So love the parts of you that you can. It’s a great place to start. If you aren’t sure what you could love, ask those closest to you what they love.
Have a look at yourself in the mirror and find one or more parts of your body you love. If you cannot see anything you love, find a part of you that you are grateful for. Remind yourself everyday.
5. Self-talk
If you want a ‘beach ready mind’ consider how your self-talk makes you feel. If you focus on your frustrations that is all you will see. The reticular activator in your mind is predisposed to finding patterns. So it will find more reasons why your ‘issue’ is a real issue. Equally, if you find the joy in yourself you will find more opportunities to spot that joy and share it.
We are all a work in progress. I like my toes, so be prepared to see my insta ready toes in the sand around the Mediterrean this Summer. I also like my smile, my hair and my eyes. We can all choose our narrative when it comes to body confidence and my tummy will not be featuring in any insta poses as I have decided to celebrate the things I want to celebrate! The same can apply to you.
I’m off to take more pictures of my toes. Aren’t they lovely?
Read more about loving yourself and your life, check out our book Love You Life! 100 Tips For More Peace & Happiness
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